Case 01

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Name: Unknown. Titled "Case N."

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Age: █████

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Sex: Male

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Date Of Death: █████

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Cause Of Death: Examination reveals a perforating gunshot wound to the head resulting in cranial trauma incompatible with life.

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Manner Of Death: The manner of death has been classified as suicide by local authorities.

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External examination revealed a singular bullet wound located in the center of the forehead. No other external injuries; though examiners made note of healed self-harm scars on his arms and legs.

Notes:

JEEEEEESUS! Who knew my report would be so drab? For the record, I don't write these miserable old things! It's my job to write post-death garbage-- You know, what happened after the person died and came over here, in hell. Technically I'm sposed' to be all fancy and clinical about it in this note section, but nobody checks this shit, so who cares?
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So, legally, I'm supposed to add details about each case post-death. I don't got much though. I always cry now? That's a really funny thing. I'm not sad or anything, but I'm always crying. Supposedly; I was crying when I kicked the bucket, so now I'm stuck crying forever. I'm also a very low-rank devil-- Really, it's pretty damn embarrassing, 'cause I can't fly and I don't have any powers. There's some more stuff, but uh... I really think some things are best left secret for now, don't you?

Case 999

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Name:

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Age: 222

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Sex: Female

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Date Of Death: N/A. Angel.

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Cause Of Death: N/A.

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Manner Of Death: N/A.

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Heaven-Made. Cannot die, and was never born.

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Investigators have described her as "quiet and mournful," with a "distaste for humanity born from fear over malice."

Notes:

Ahh, Honora... She's my other half. In a fucked up, horrible sort of way, I really can't live without her. You see, she wants to kill me, and-- ... Ehh, I'll explain it all another time. There's better places to talk about the girl that wants to kill me than her case file. Speaking of; she isn't really supposed to be here. Angels' case files are located in an entirely different sector to the dead. I suppose I'll still tell you about her. For one, she's a fucking weirdo. She doesn't blink, eat, or sleep, she doesn't have any passive interests-- Nothing. Though from observation, she's got a soft spot for the color dandelion. Outside of her uniform, she wears a yellow milkmaid dress. For such a scary girl, that's pretty darn cute, isn't it?

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‎ For what it's worth, she isn't anything close to the threat she attempts to appear as. It's important that you realize she's more scared of you than you could ever be of her. And in a way, I sorta get it. You're told all your life your job is to protected and guide humans, and then you see what we awful fuckers are really like? id be scared too, i mean, damn!

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She's a kind girl, and she doesn't want to hurt anyone, she just wants to do as she's told. It's all heaven-born angels are told to do, you know? So I understand it, really. If you see her, be nice to her, 'kay?

Case 999

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Name:

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Age: 139

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Sex: Female

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Date Of Death: 1 January 1910

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Cause Of Death: Polytrauma incompatible with life as an immediate result of a pedestrian-railway collision.

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Manner Of Death: Evidence of foul play found. Definitive manner inconclusive and no longer under investigation.

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External examination was deemed unnecessary by officials for the body was mutilated.

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Notes:

Pretty grim stuff, ay? You'd think she'd be a sad sorta person, but she's not in the slightest. She's one of the happiest people I've ever met. I sorta wonder if she even remembers dying-- If I remembered being squished by a train I don't think I'd manage to crack a smile ever again! But anyway, yeah, she's a really happy lady. She isn't a well respected angel, she doesn't wear the uniform or work at all for god (I didn't even realize that was a thing you could do until i met her lol it's great) and she seems much better off for it, to be honest. She spends her eternity doing what makes her happy. Lotta' reading and watching stuff, eating all the food she wants, yada yada. Something really funny is that she's super entranced with modern culture-- She was utterly flabberghasted when I showed her a computer for the first time, saying quote "The box! Is has colors and you can will things to move around! How beautiful!". I think right now she's super sitcoms? Yeah. I think it was called "Friends"? Yeah. I don't get the appeal either.

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She comes to see me once a week or so, sittin' at my desk twirling her hair and telling me about whatever she's obsessed with in the moment. I really like spending time with her. She also has no interest in skewering me, unlike Honora, so that's nice!

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Oh, also. She doesn't have eyes. Sometime she opens her eyelids to scare me and I see her fucked up little eye chasms and it freaks me the fuck out. I think it's her trying to be funny.